In the past year, I have gained a tremendous amount of weight. People say I still look good, but I don’t feel it at all. Every time I try on my shirt or look at my reflection I wish something different would be seen. It’s funny because I was looking through pictures of me from a few years ago, and I remember when they were taken, I thought I was heavy and overweight. Looking at them now, I can see my face was hollowed in and I had barely any curves. I remember exactly how I felt, which was insecure and that I needed to lose more weight.
Looking at pictures now, I still feel insecure and overweight but my head is in a different space. I think that as much as I like pictures, I’ve accepted that there are going to be times in my life where I am always going to think that I’m overweight regardless of my actual weight. I rather look at a picture and think “wow, I was really happy to share my memories with my friends” rather than wow, I need to lose more weight, I can see my stomach slightly bulging out.” But of course, easier said than done.
I’m trying to learn that my weight doesn’t determine if I’m a good person or not. I’m really trying to not let it bother me. But why does it effect me so much? Is it because I used to be the size of a toothpick and I keep comparing? What is your experience with this?